Say You Love Me
by Dastardly-lie
Summary: Harry finds himself with new friends, while losing old friends in the process. Will love truly conquer all, or is Harry Potter destined to be alone? DMHP SLASHIENESS FORMERLY UNWELL
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I own nothing but various Harry Potter items such as books, movies, TCGs, calanders, stickers, and party/room decorations. But I see nothing on any credit card bills mentioning owning any of the Harry Potter Characters. Damn.

A/N: IMPORTANT(ish) OK, so I realized that most readers started reading this, and then stopped. So I figured I'll re-write this, or something... It's not really important to the plot, just a bit of a pity party for Harry and a wee bit of background. Hopefully the other chapters are better, so just review/send me a PM telling me what I should fix in this Prologue, and hopefully, I can make this work, and more... er... "readable!"

_Prologue_:

Harry Potter stared morosely at the ceiling of the Dursley's second bedroom. His thought drifted away from his owl, Hedwig, which he found brutally slaughtered in the shed by his uncle, to his two "friends", Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, wondering why they didn't write at all over the summer.

"Probably snogging each other senseless at my godfather's house." Harry said, brushing tears out of his eyes. Ever since that faithful day in the Department of Mysteries, Harry could hardly think of Sirius Black, his late godfather. It was his fault he died. His fault he believed the sadistic bastard, Voldemort's, lies. He let his friends down, and more importantly, himself. _Once again, I let my bloody hero-complex get into the way._ He thought, salty tears streaming down his eyes. _I failed everyone_.

At that second, his watch beeped. It was 00.00, July 31, his 16th birthday, and truth be told, he could careless. Another day to be beaten by his uncle for dropping the bacon, or doing his chores to slowly. Another day to be ignored by his friends. No birthday cards or gifts were seen being carried that night to number 4 Privet Drive. And Harry Potter could not give a flying fuck.

Mentally and emotionally he was dead. Just had to wait for his physical body to catch up. Sobbing slightly, he pulled out the pocketknife Sirius bought him in his fourth year at Hogwarts. He slowly dug the blade into his skin, sighing at the feel of the metal tugging through him. He felt free, and he could hardly care if that feeling was far from the truth. For that moment, he was free from being Dumbledore's Weapon, the Boy-Who-Lived. He was now controlling what pain he felt, and he liked it.

Digging deeper and deeper, he didn't notice that he dug to deep, or the blood rushing through the broken skin, staining the already stained bed spread. He felt free, and sighed as he plummeted into darkness.

A/N: So, remember! R&R!!!


	2. New Friends

Disclamer: See Prologue.

WARNINGS: SLASH (Meaning BoyxBoy. HP/DM.) Don't like, don't read. Cursing, Hermione, Ron, and Dumbledore!Bashing.

AN: In my mind HBP never happened. Also, the prophecy was never heared. So I guess you could say this is a wee bit of an AU...

* * *

The train whistle blew loudly, it was soon to depart and Harry saw no trace of Hermione or Ron. Dragging his trunk into the train, he quickly searched for them, noticing the looks of disgust and fear from various Hogwarts students. He smiled a little at Neville Longbottom when he passed him, but grew confused as the boy he knew since they were both eleven turned pale.

"…Neville? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harry snapped, causing the other boy to flinch and whimper in fear.

"Haven't you read the Daily Profit this summer?" Neville responded, looking around him for a way out.

"No… I've stopped reading that rubbish after all the shit they wrote about me over the years…"

"Well, they--- we think you might have went dark… you know after what happened with Sirius, and Cedric, they all get hurt around you… and well, you've faced He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named nearly every year, and yet, neither of you have finished each other off. And well, you do have a bad temper… and---"

"So you think I'm helping the bastard who killed my parents?!" Harry interrupted, his face growing a deep wine red.

"Well… yeah… I guess. But it's not just me; it's Hermione and Ron, too! Everyone believes Rita Skeeter… She does put up a pretty good point. I mean, what about those dreams you had, connecting you with You-Know-Who?"

"Neville just shut up." Harry walked off leaving a thoroughly scared Neville.

"How could they all just leave me like that, like I don't even matter? Like those five years of my friendship doesn't matter. THEY WERE THERE! They saw what happened to Sirius." Harry muttered to himself, wiping tears from his eyes, searching frantically for an empty compartment.

"Merlin, Potter. What the fuck happened to you?" Harry heard a familiar voice shout, mirth in their voice.

"Sod off, Malfoy. I really don't need this, right now."

"Oh, seems wee Potty's having a bad day." Malfoy laughed, brushing against Harry's shoulder to walk away. Hearing Harry hiss in pain, he looked a little worried, before slipping back on his Ice-Prince mask. "What's wrong with you? Got a little boo-boo on your arm? Did your mommy kiss it all better? Oh wait… I forgot. She's dead!"

"Malfoy, _please_."

"Now you're begging, eh Potter? I thought dark lords don't beg people, Potter."

"I'm not dark, Malfoy. Never will be. Now, lay off."

"Or what? You'll hex me?" Malfoy laughed loudly, but stopped abruptly when Harry walked away. "Don't you dare leave, Potter. I'm not done with you!"

"Deal." Harry said quietly, leaving Malfoy yelling at his back. Finally finding an empty compartment in the back of the train. Locking the door, he did not notice the dark shadow of someone by the said door. He sank down into the cushioned seat, tears blurring his vision.

He knew what he wanted. Draco. The Ice Prince of Slytherin. No, he didn't want him. He needed him. He knew that Draco could be his savior, the one that would save him from himself, but, well, Draco was as straight as they came. It was obvious, with that slut Pansy Parkinson always hanging on him. The thought made Harry's stomach twist.

He wanted to believe that Pansy was the only one stopping him from being with Draco, but then he realized, even if Draco was gay, they were from opposite sides of the gene pool. Draco was rich, smart, funny, popular, interesting, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. Harry was, on the other hand, poor, an idiot, obviously lacking many friends as of right now, as dull as they came, hideous, and then there was that impending death threat on his head.

Thus, the need to cut, at least once more, before catches him and tries to help him, surged through him. But he didn't need help. No, he needed something he could never have, true love.

Sobs went through his whole body as he thought of his parents, Sirius, Cedric, Hedwig. Hermione and Ron. All those who were there, supposed to be helping him were gone, and he was left with no one. No friends, and it would be safe to say, family. Not many would consider those muggles family. Thinking back to all the times Harry was verbally and emotionally abused by Vernon, Harry realized, normal family members don't do that to loved ones.

Fuck, life could never be easy for the boy wonder. For once, Harry just wanted to be normal, with a loving family, and friends who cared. Maybe even a doting boyfriend. But no. He had none of that. Hell, he couldn't even be granted a flippin' pet without that being taken away. Maybe he should have taken up that offer Voldemort gave him in the first year at Hogwarts. Maybe that fucking bastard was the one-way Harry could achieve his long earned freedom.

"Maybe that's the only way that---" Just then, a sharp knock jarred Harry from his thoughts. "Can't anyone leave me alone?" He slowly eased his tired body out of the seat he sat on, rolled down his sleeve carefully, not trying to disturbed his now bloodied arm, and opened the door, putting on his best "WTF" face.

"Thanks, Potter." Malfoy pushed his way in, and strode to a seat across from where Harry was sitting. "So, where's the other part of the 'not-so-Golden Trio'?"

Harry glared at Malfoy and sat across from him, trying to hide the bloody knife from the blonde's view. "They decided they had enough of me, I'd gather."

Malfoy's smirk widened as he heard the sadness in Harry's voice. Just then, he noticed a glint of red and silver shine behind Harry's back. "Gods, Potter. What the fuck is that?"

"What's what?" Harry asked, paling slightly.

"The knife, maybe?" Malfoy said, trying to reach out and grab the poorly concealed weapon.

"Oh, that? It's nothing. I was uh… cleaning out my bag and nicked myself on it. Tried to clean it up, and you interrupted me."

"Please, Potter. Stop lying, you can hardly lie yourself out of a paper bag." Harry raised his eyebrow at that comment. "What? Can't I use a muggle phrase once and a while?"

"Uh, sure, Malfoy. Listen, I don't want you to worry your pretty head about fucked-up-Harry Potter. So why don't we just pretend this conversation never happened, and you didn't see anything, OK?"

"No, Potter. You need help."

"Why should I accept your help? You would only try to lead me to Voldemort anyway." Malfoy flinched at the name, and Harry rolled his eyes. "You'd think the son of his right hand man would have grown used to hearing the name, yeah?"

"Potter, you have no idea what you are talking about. Give me the knife."

"Uh, sorry, Malfoy, but no. I don't want to risk the great Draco Malfoy stabbing me with it later on."

"Potter, you are more delusional than I thought. Look, your arm is fucking bleeding, your shirt is stained, and you look paler than normal. Give. Me. The. Knife!"

"This isn't my shirt, it's my cousin's. And give me one good reason why I should give it to you."

"The Dark Lord would kill me if you died?"

"Somehow that one doesn't really sway me."

"You're too important to kill yourself?"

"Please, the wizarding world would manage without their savior."

"I'll do the chicken dance if you do?"

"What?!" At that point, Malfoy saw his chance and tackled Harry, trying to grab hold of the knife. "Malfoy, get off me!" Harry begged to the deities that Malfoy wouldn't notice the affects his actions were having on Harry's nether-regions. _Think McGonagall in lace panties being whipped by Snape._ Harry told himself, which luckily did the trick.

His lust soon turned to anger as he tried to push the Slytherin Seeker off him. "Draco Malfoy, get the fuck off of me!" The knife slipped into the Blonde's fingers, and he backed off, victorious.

"Hmm. Nice knife Potter. Still sharp after who knows how long you've used it. I'm impressed you'd think of a ever-sharp charm."

"My Godfather gave it to me." Harry said quietly. And quickly Malfoy sobered.

"Look, Pot-Harry, I'm sorry for what my Aunt did to your Godfather."

Harry looked up, loving the way that his name sounded coming from Malfoy with no anger, no spite. "I don't want your pity, _Draco_." Oh, how he loved saying that, he could say his first name over, and over again if he wanted to.

"It's not pity, Harry. I am truly sorry about him. I would hate to lose my godfather."

Harry nodded, tears in his eyes. "Thanks, I guess. But, it doesn't make sense. Why are you treating me so nice after all these years?"

"A. I'd like to remind you that you were the one to reject my friendship. And B. I don't have anything to lose by befriending you, and obviously, the same goes for you."

Harry smiled at Draco, really wishing that what he said could happen. "I wish we could. I just don't know if I could learn to trust again, Draco. Heh, that sounds like some dumb soap-opera quote."

"Soap-opera? Is that like, a musical staring soap?"

"It's a muggle thing." Harry started to chew on his nails, a nervous habit he had picked up a while ago. Draco swatted his hand away from his mouth. "What?"

"You're ruining your nails, that's what!"

"You are such a girl, Draco."

"A girl with nice nails, though." That sent Harry laughing. "You have a nice laugh." Draco said out of the blue. Then, after realizing what he said, promptly blushed.

"Er, thanks?" _Gods, Draco looked nice when he blushes,_ he thought. He smiled and lamely said, "I'm sure your laugh is quite pleasant as well." _Way to fail at life, Potter._ Harry mentally kicked himself.

Draco chuckled at that comment. "Why, thank you. Listen, Harry, I have to go, but why don't you meet Pansy, Blaise, and I in one of the carriages once we reach Hogsmead Station. I know they are _dying_ to meet you."

Harry nodded. "So, are Pansy and you really a couple?"

Draco laughed at that. "Last time I checked, Pansy wasn't a guy. So, no, I don't think so." With a wink and a wave, Draco left Harry alone in the compartment, wondering what just happened, and if he would ever get his knife back.

* * *

AN: Whoo, so that's done. I really didn't like how this chapter came out, but whatever. Don't really know what I could change, I'll leave that up to you guys to review. Basically, I got the idea for this chapter and the prologue from Matchbox Twenty's song Unwell, hence the title. Anyway, review, and tell me what you think. I'll then decided what to do. So expect an update, if you want one, in about two weeks, hopefully. Thankies!! 


	3. Silver and Gold

Disclaimer: See Prologue.

WARNINGS: SLASH (Meaning BoyxBoy. HP/DM.) Don't like, don't read. Cursing, Gryffindor/Dumbledore!Bashing. I forgot to also mention before that there will be self-mutilating, abuse (Both past and present)- although I am not sure how far it will get in that and that's really all I can think of right now. But we shall see what happens as I get into the story. And if anything develops I will warn you at the tops…

A/N: Is anyone interested in being a beta? I can't promise pay, but you will get the sense of well… fulfillment, and you will get a new friend too::Puppy dog eyes::

A/N2: Okay, Pets. I am terribly sorry for the wait, but I have a story why I was so late in updating!!

Once upon a time, there was a mythical land called Plot located in a magical world called "Teri's Mind." Little creatures called Plot Bunnies lived there, and were ruled by King Unwell…

Just then, a disease called Writers Block and the bordering country of School wiped out nearly all the bunnies, including the king.

Finally, one bunny named Say-You-Love-Me fought the bio-massacre and saved the land of Plot. The other survivors thanked her, and crowned her queen. Her rule bought changes to the land, and the bunnies, backed of, knowing that she knew what she was doing.

A month (+/-) later, the land was finally good to go (A/N: did you all hear about Taco Bell and the E. Coli?), and hopefully immune to the deadly disease of writers-block from now on. The End…

That's based on a true story you know? And lucky for me, Queen Say-You-Love-Me managed to work with the first chapter, so I really don't have to rewrite the _whole_ thing… Yick, I think this is longer than my chapter! XP

* * *

And without further ado, I give you: 

Chapter Two:  
Silver and Gold

Train rides sucked when you were by yourself. That was Harry's realization after Draco had left his compartment. No one was there to confide in, trade wizarding cards, or even lend a spare shoulder to cry on.

Damn, he missed the cocky blonde already. He snickered to himself as his thoughts drifted over to whether or not that was a pun. Well, hopefully, if his dreams were any backing, then yeah, the blonde was extremely cocky.

Harry sighed happily and stretched out on the empty seats as the train lurched forward, finally leaving the station. This was going to be a long, agonizing year, Harry promised himself this, but perhaps with his new allies, he might actually have a chance of surviving his sixth year at Hogwarts. Yawning, he closed his eyes, hoping to rest a little bit before arriving into the school of gossips.

"This compartment seems empty." Harry opened one of his eyes. He knew that voice. The know-it-all-ish, haughtier than thou voice could be distinguished as the resident bookworm of Hogwarts. It could only be…

"Hermione!" Harry said, happy to see an old friend. Neville couldn't be right. He must have misheard.

The once bushy-haired girl (whose hair managed to become tame over the summer) looked down at the scrawny teen that addressed her, and then turned to the redhead behind her.

"Ron, _he's _in here. Maybe we should go…" Hermione said. "I mean, who knows what he would do to us! You a blood-traitor, and me a muggleborn."

"Hermione! It's me! Harry! You know I wouldn't--- couldn't do that to you! We've known each other for years! Why would I turn on you two?"

"Harry, you nearly dragged us to our deaths, every year since we knew you! How can we be sure that they weren't just leading us to You-Know-Who!" The girl screeched. "I mean, Ron was nearly killed last year! And look what happened to Sirius! And Cedric!"

The names of Harry's friends and loved ones sent tears to Harry's emerald eyes. "Herm, please! You don't mean that! It wasn't my fault!"

"Harry, I--- We--- saw Malfoy leave the compartment leave moments ago. No grimace, no bitter smirks, nothing! He left with what I could call a smile! What the fuck, Harry?!"

"Well, Draco and I decided to overcome rivalries and wanted to start promoting united houses. That's the only way that we can all be strong to resist Voldemort."

"Harry, he's a death eater! And if you are going to hang out with the Slytherins, then you are not better!"

"Hermione, that is the dumbest thing you have ever said!" Harry cried, outraged.

"To quote Ronald, 'You are fraternizing with the enemy,' Harry. And soon you will go to far. Come on Ron."

Finally Ron Weasley found his voice and told his girlfriend, "No."

"Excuse me, Ronald?" Hermione asked coldly.

"I am not going to be abandoning Harry, Herms. He's been my best friend since, well, forever…" Ron sent Harry a reassuring smile and sat down beside him, blatantly ignoring the now raging Gryffindor. With a sneer that could rival Draco, she stalked off, leaving the two boys looking at each other questioningly.

"That is the last time I ever call you whipped, Ron." Harry said, finally breaking the ice. Ron cracked a smile and shook his head.  
"I figured my true friends came first… So what is going on between you and Malfoy?"

"Well---" Harry didn't know where to start. Ron knew he was gay, he was the first Harry told, and was quite comfortable about it. After all, his older brother, Bill, played Chaser for the other team, so he knew how to react.

"It's him, isn't it?" Harry cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out what his best friend was talking about. "You like Malfoy! I knew when you told me I might overreact it wasn't going to be in Gryffindor, but Slytherin!" The brunette braced himself for the explosion, but Ron just patted him on the back. "Fuck, Harry! Good luck getting your Ice Prince to spread his legs for you!"

"Ha-ha, funny, Ron. Thanks for your words of encouragement."

"That's my job. I just can't see what you see in him…" As soon as Harry opened his mouth to explain, Ron hurriedly said, "And I really don't care!"

Harry laughed and saved his explanation for another time. Right now, he and Ron had some Chocolate Frogs to eat, and wizard cards to trade.

SYLMLYSYLMLYS

"So, Harry, think I can con you into trading me your Gwenog Jones (1) for another Dumbledore?"

"Please, the idolizing of Dumble_dork_ has got to stop."

"Er… Harry? You realize you just insulted the man you put on way too high of a pedestal, right? I mean, weren't you going to write a bloody poem about him?"

"Ron, you need to improve on your humour, seriously."

"Harry, what happened?! You loved that barmy old coot!"

"Do you know the feeling of despair when you find out when the one person you trusted so much lies to you?"

"Yeah… When I was, like, ten, my mum finally told me Santa doesn't exist (A/N: Don't believe him!! Santa does exist!). I was heartbroken for weeks…"

"Ron! I'm serious!"

"I know, man. It's just… I'm not used to hearing you talk about him like that…"

"He keeps keeping things from me, Ron! And he knows how the Dursleys' treat me, and he did nothing! He promised me I'd get to stay with you guys, or something!"

"Well, he told me and Hermione that we couldn't speak to you, unless we wanted to endanger you further…" Ron hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry."

Harry shook in indignation. "He ruined my summer because of stupid lies! I spent my birthday—" Harry couldn't finish the sentence. After what happened last summer, his depression hit rock bottom.

"…Harry?" Ron asked shakily.

"Yeah, I'm good, sorry. Listen, I promised I would sit with Draco and his friends after we get off the train. Are you going to join me, or will you go somewhere else?"

"I'll sit with you, Harry. If you like Malfoy so much, than he can't be that bad, yeah?"  
"Thanks!"

"No problem, Harry… So what can I give you to get Gwenog Jones?"

"Well, I don't have Leonard Jewkes (2) and don't you have three?"

"Four, actually… I'll have to think about it."

"Please? I'll do your divination homework for a week if you do!"

"Harry! If I didn't know better, I'd think that you fancy Mr. Jewkes here!" Harry blushed and started rummaging through his vast wrappers of Chocolate Frogs when he heard a suave voice sound from the doorway.

"Well, if I do say so myself, Leonard Jewkes is pretty good-looking…" Ron look up and smirked at Malfoy.

"Yeah, sure, Malfoy. If you like a guy who's at least 120."

"What can I say," Draco said, flopping down beside Harry and kicking his feet up, "I like older men."

Ron snorted and turned to Harry who seemed to start fumble with the wrappers even faster. "OCD much?"

Harry looked up, his face as red as his hair and glared at Ron. "Shut up, you twat." That sent Ron over the edge and he started to laugh mercilessly, much to Harry's chagrin. "Ron, stopppp!"

"Did the great Harry Potter just whine!?" Draco asked, seemingly scandalized.

"Please, not you too. I don't whine. I never whine!" Harry whined.

Ron finally was calm enough to side with Draco. "You whine, Harry."

"You're supposed to be on my side Ron!" Ron just shrugged and decided to look around for his Leonard Jewkes card to give to Harry.

"So, Harry, you're still sitting with us on the carriage, right?" Draco asked him. Ron noticed that he sounded a bit pleadingly. He rose an eyebrow at Draco, but chose not to comment. Harry didn't seem to notice however, and nodded his head.

"Yeah, but is it OK if Ron sits with us?" Draco looked at the red-head.

"Sure, I don't see why not… As long Weasel he doesn't start anything."

Ron was about to say something but Harry cut in. "He'll be good if you promise that you will stop calling him Weasel."

"He calls me Ferret!!"

"Well, he'll stop! Won't you, Ron?" Ron nodded mutely. "See?! We're going to be best friends, won't we?" Harry smiled to his two friends, who looked at each other fearing the sanity of the small brunette.

* * *

(1)Captain and Beater of only all-female national Quidditch Team the Holyhead Harpies. 

(2)Created the Silver Arrow racing broom in the early 1900s

Whoot! Finally got that out. Took me longer than I wanted but I was sick, then suffered from Writers block, and blah. I'm thinking of rewriting the prologue, because I was not really happy with it, and I think I might have lost a lot of readers up there. Thank you all for reviewing this story, and supporting it and all. And hopefully, you'll like it enough to review! Sorry if this chapter is slightly shorter than my other one… Hopefully the next one'll be longer…

Next Chapter: Meeting the Slytherins!

R&R please!


	4. Not In My Castle On A Cloud

Disclaimer: See Prologue

Warnings: This story, as it did before, contains SLASH, which means two boys are going to get it on, yo. (Oh, I'm cool) If anyone has any problem with that, well, you can sorta… like… leave? Also, in this chapter, we will discuss various things such as self-mutilation, eating disorders, and past abuse. And then as always, there will be cursing! (Yay!!!) In Harry's flashback, there will be bulimic tendencies, possible squicky. You have been wormed… er, warned….

Yish. It's cold in my house… Anyway, I'm still looking for a beta, and I have cookies for anyone who decides to ask…

This chapter will also contain foul language and various insults about Harry's sexual preferences. In no ways do I feel the feelings expressed are true at all, and I don't mean to offend anyone, and I apologize for that. And if you are offended, I offer you a Draco Action figure, complete with brushable hair, and twenty different wizard fashions!

**IMPORTANT: There will be Sexual Molestation ahead. It really doesn't make that big of a difference in the plot, thus will be surrounded by BOLD parenthesis. I didn't mean for it to happen but well… the chapter developed a mind of it's own. Terribly sorry if I offended anybody in the process, but these things do happen, and well, I wanted to see how much shit could happen to Harry… Again, I apologize if I have offended anyone, and I hope that this won't turn you off of the story. I am trying to make this have as little angst as possible, but so far it seems I am failing.**

Chapter Three:

Not In My Castle On A Cloud

Draco sighed sadly, watching Harry rub his injured arm tenderly and shift around nervously as he did so. He knew Harry wouldn't stop cutting simply because he didn't have a knife, and Draco had to talk to Ron about helping him. Fuck if he was going to let his pride cause the Boy-Who-Lived's downfall.

Obviously, Ron noticed Harry's discomfort as well, because he vocalized it.

"Harry? You OK, mate?" Harry nodded slowly,

"Yeah, I just have to pee…"

"Then… go? You should know where the loo is by now. You've been on this train for how many years now?" Ron paused to think a moment (because the author had to think as well), "Well, quite a few years…" Draco snorted at the lack of math-skills the redhead had. "Oh, shut it, Malfoy."

"Ron," Harry said in a warning tone, "Be nice. Yeah, maybe I'll go to the bathroom." Harry got up and went to the door before pausing and addressed his two friends. "Don't kill each other while I'm gone. I don't feel like cleaning up two bloody carcasses."

"We'll try not to," Draco said, while glaring at Ron. Ron just nodded, fearing what would happen if he angered either of the boys.

"Good." Harry left the compartment and closed the door behind him. Draco scrambled up, and looked out to make sure Harry was out of earshot. He then put up a silencing charm.

"Listen, Weasley-" Draco started, before he was cut off.

"Call me Ron. If Harry can trust you so much, then I guess you can't be so bad…"

"Fair enough. Listen, Ron. I need to talk to you about Harry…" (A/N: Shawh, that would make the world's greatest cliffhanging ender for a chapter… but I would die before I made this chapter **that** short…)

"Yeah? What about him?" Ron asked the blonde, worry evident on his voice.  
"Uh, how much do you know about self-mutalation?"

"You mean cutting?" Ron asked. After he saw Draco's nod, he responded. "Enough, I guess. Don't cutters cut because they are depressed, or feel the need to punish themselves?" When Draco nodded again, Ron added thoughtfully, "I guess some do it to feel human, to see themselves bleed. But what does this have to do with Harry?"

Draco took a deep breath and pulled out the knife from his bag and handed it to Ron. "Hey, isn't this the knife that Sirius got him? It is! I remember him pulling it out of his trunk a lot of times last year, especially after Sirius died- Shit!" Finally every thing was pieced together, and Ron felt his eyes filled with tears. "He cuts, doesn't he?"

The blonde nodded and told Ron what he found out earlier that day. "I didn't want to bring it up while he was still here, and I figured you of all people deserved to know…"

Ron nodded, and in a shaky voice thanked Draco. "Thank you, Draco. I knew that Harry wasn't completely happy, but I didn't know it was that bad…"

Draco looked up and stared at Ron. "What do you mean?"

"Well," began the redhead, "he does have a bit of an eating disorder. Nothing serious, he just tends to be talked into eating a lot. Usually he feels he needs to punish himself for things he did."

"But he ate all those chocolates!" Draco exclaimed, motioning to all the empty wrappers.

"Yeah, and he just got up to go to the bathroom. He doesn't think I notice, Draco. But I have followed him once or twice and I can hear him vomiting his meals." Ron paused to gather his train of thought. "I think it was from the Dursleys that this habit came up. I mean, it got worse after all the shit happened to him in the fourth year, especially when Cedric died…"

"Who are the Dursleys?" Draco asked, wondering if that was where Dudley came into the picture.

"His only living family left." Ron took a chocolate frog and popped it into his mouth. After swallowing, he continued. "He has an Aunt, Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and this whale of a cousin… What was his name…?"

"Dudley…" Draco breathed.

"Yeah. Dudley. They treat him worse than crap. He's basically like a house-elf, although he does get Dudley's old clothes that have never fit him. Supposedly he claims they have never beat him, but I tend to disbelieve that. The summer before our fourth year, for instance, we came to get him. Fuck, Draco! He was thinner than I have ever seen him. But when mum went to hug him, he tensed like crazy. And then at night sometimes…" Ron paused to take a deep breath and run his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit he had picked up over the year. "Sorry. At night if Harry forgot to put up silencing spells, I would hear him screaming, begging someone not to hit him… that he'd be good. Shit, man, sometimes he couldn't wake up, and when I managed to drag him out of his dream, rather, nightmare, it would take him awhile to know I'm not "him" and he's safe at Hogwarts."

"But… why would Dumbledore keep sending Harry back there?" Draco asked, confused.

"I often ask myself the same thing. I used to keep telling myself that there was a reason. There had to be a reason."

"And now?"

"Now I've lost all respect for that bastard."

Draco nodded and was about to say something when a bloodied Harry tumbled into the compartment.

...Flashback...

"Good." Harry said, and then left the compartment. He had to smile at the way Draco and Ron were making all the effort to get along. He knew that it had to be difficult; five years of torment go along way. But beneath both of their thickheaded exterior, there lay two friendly, open-minded teenagers who cared little about family and house rivalries… It just… took awhile to bring them to the surface.

Harry was sure, however, that he could, and hopefully the two wouldn't kill each other the moment he left. Well, here's to hoping.

Once again, while walking down the corridor all the students either paled, ran or, what probably frightened and angered Harry the most, tensed and balled their hands into fists, ready to fight the muggle way. Harry seriously didn't want to land in the hospital wing before school let out, but he also didn't want to be a coward. God, he hated people…

Rolling his eyes, Harry ignored everyone and finally got into his place of destination, the one place no one could really bother him, thanks to one word. "Locks." The magical bathroom locks managed to let someone pee in privacy without anyone barging in or opening the doors with a simple "Alohomora." Harry had always known that there was a reason why he loved magic.

Harry spotted the ceramic toilet sitting in the middle of the wall, beckoning him to empty his stomach of all the food he had eaten and not deserved. He nervously backed away from it, not sure what to do. If it was any other day, Harry would not have thought twice about vomiting into the bowl, but he knew that if Draco ever found out he would stand no chance of winning the Slytherin.

_But Draco wouldn't find out, would he?_ Harry smirked, and nodded to the voice that sometimes came to speak to him. Draco didn't have to know. Harry made sure that Ron (and Hermione) never found out, so what made Draco any different? Nothing did, except the fact that Harry loved him, and not as a brother, like Ron. Draco… with silver hair, the colour of moonlight. Draco, the one with teeth as white as pearls… Draco, the boy whose mercury eyes seemed to sparkle with power and knowledge. Harry shook his head. Draco didn't matter right now. What mattered was that Harry had a disgustingly full stomach, and knew that he would burst if he didn't lose the excess chocolate.

Harry slunk to the toilet, and lowered his head into the basin. He took a deep breath before shoving his fingers into his throat. After a short moment, his meal came up, and bathed his hand in a slimy mess. The chyme fell into the toilet bowl in sickening splashes. After what seemed like hours, but in realty were merely seconds, Harry withdrew his hand and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Once he was done flushing the toilet and washing his hands, he sat himself on the floor and started to cry.

He didn't know why he was crying. He didn't know why he felt like shit even though he was one step closer in getting the man of his dreams. Hermione didn't matter, he had Ron, and one best friend was enough. At the thought of the bushy-haired witch, his tears fell harder. Hermione was the levelheaded one! She shouldn't have over-reacted like that! The overreacting was Ron's job.

Harry brought his knees to his chest and thought back to when his problems had all started. Fourth year. That would have been it. When he explored his sexuality and learned first hand what it felt like to be loved, and have that love taken away so quickly.

Cedric Diggory showed him that he could be loved, and needed. Cedric kissed Harry in the darkness of hallways while the Hufflepuff had prefect duties. He promised Harry all that he could ever want, excluding Draco, of course. He showed Harry how to give a decent blowjob and how to show all your emotions in a single kiss. Then it was all taken away that one night.

Harry's eyes filled with tears once more as memories from the third task came flooding back. He had told Cedric to take the cup with him. He had watched Wormtail point his wand at his boyfriend and kill him. He had watched as that snake-faced bastard stepped on the face of the one man who could have saved Harry from so much pain. And it was his entire fault. All Harry's fault.

His hands flexed, itching to grab hold of Sirius' knife and cut into his vein. Sirius. The Department of Mysteries. His fault. He could have had a father figure! He could have had someone to look up to, and come to when he needed guidance. But no, his stupid hero-complex once again caused him to lose Sirius when he blindly entered the ministry and risked the lives of all his friends. And now Remus Lupin wouldn't even speak to him.

Someone knocked on the door, and shouted, "Oi, hurry up! Other people have to use the loo!"

Harry cleared his throat and said back, "Give me a minute." Harry shakily got to his feet and went to the mirror. He splashed water on his face, used a breathing charm and then glamored his face to make sure that the red blotchiness wouldn't give himself the obvious appearance of someone crying.

When he opened the door, he came face to face with Hermione Granger, with a bitter Seamus Finnegan on her left, and Dean Thomas on her right, looking quite menacing. When Harry tried to push past them, Hermione pushed him back into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Tsk, tsk, Harry. You're too light! One would think that you haven't been eating enough…"

"Hermione, let me go!" Harry pleaded, but the girl just laughed malevolently.

"I think not! Me and the boys here think that this little fag might need some help realizing his place in the world!"

Harry's eyes widened. "You—You promised you wouldn't tell anybody, Hermione!"

"Yeah, and you promised that you wouldn't endanger us years ago, Harry. And every year, something horrible happens, doesn't it!" When Harry attempted to comment, Hermione shut him up with a punch to the face. While Harry was dazed, she pulled him up, and grabbed him. Dean and Seamus realized what she was offering to them, and they smirked.

**--- (((**Harry's eyes widened when he saw the two bigger boys walk towards him menacingly. He tried to wither away from their touches and stares of lust, but Hermione was stronger than she looked. Harry was about to scream when Hermione squeezed his arms painfully.

"One scream, fag, and I will make sure your life will be hell." Harry nodded, tears streaming down his face as Seamus caressed his side, and Dean hungrily eyed his arse. "I think this queer will do." Dean said, loving the way the brunette whimpered. "That's right, my little freak, whimper. Show me how much you don't want to be here." He nodded to Seamus who slowly dipped lower. Harry started to shake and Seamus stopped.

"What Potter? You're to good for us? If you can kneel for Diggory, somehow I doubt that we wouldn't suffice." As Harry continued to shake in fear and sobs, Seamus sighed evilly. "No? Very well. It's a shame. I always thought you'd be a good toy." As if proving his word, Seamus squeezed Harry's crotch, and grinned as Harry issued a loud wail. "Mm, that's what I thought, my little slut."**))) ---**

As Harry's knees gave way, Hermione let him go, letting him drop painfully to the ground. She smirked as Harry's tears continued to pour from his face. "Well, guys. Why don't you show this little fag what we think about his kind?" Dean and Seamus nodded and each took their turn to kick and beat the boy.

When Harry drifted off onto unconsciousness, Hermione stepped in to Enervate him, and then let the boys continue on to beat him. After what seemed to be hours to Harry, the other Gryffindors backed off, and with Hermione's orders left the bleeding boy in the bathroom.

After a few minutes of breathing deeply, Harry struggled to get up. Once he did, he slowly plodded back to his compartment, his mind hazy and darkened. He struggled to remain conscious. He knew the dangers of blacking out in what he now deemed "enemy-lines" and he didn't want to chance anything. He vaguely was aware of the silencing charm around his compartment, and probably if he was in any other state of mind, he would question the blonde and redhead, but right then and there he needed help, and fast.

Slowly he opened the door, and tumbled into the compartment, broken and bloody. He was out cold before either of the other two boys could ask if he was alright.

OoO

_A young Harry entered the darkness, clutching his broom twice his size. He sweeped the room a bit before he started to sing in his lonely, boyish voice. _

There is a castle on a cloud,

I like to go there in my sleep,

Aren't any floors for me to sweep,

Not in my castle on a cloud.

_Harry put his broom down and sighed longingly at his cousin, Dudley Dursley's, broken toy, a robot, that sat lonely on a coffee table he had yet to clean. He picked it up and cradled it longingly as he continued to sing quietly._

There is a room that's full of toys,

There are a hundred boys and girls,

Nobody shouts or talks too loud,

Not in my castle on a cloud.

_Harry picked up his damped rag and started scrubbing the mug rings off the table, while clutching the robot he dubbed "Dragon." He accidentally knocked a picture off the mantel and picked it up, looking with jealousy at the smiling faces of his aunt and cousin, hugging each other._

There is a lady all in white,  
Holds me and sings a lullaby,  
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,  
She says "Harry, I love you very much."

_Harry wrapped his arms around himself, and closed his eyes imagining a woman in a white cloak, with flaming red hair and bright green eyes like his. She held him close, and cooed at him encouraging words of love and kindness._

I know a place where no one's lost,  
I know a place where no one cries,  
Crying at all is not allowed,  
Not in my castle on a cloud.

_Harry wiped his tears away, and looked up nervously as he heard a door creaking open. His eyes widened as he saw a horse neck woman glare at him through the window._

Oh help! I think I hear them now,  
and I'm nowhere near finished sweeping and  
scrubbing and polishing the floor.  
Oh, it's her! It's Aunt Petunia!

_Harry nervously started to wipe the table faster with as much vigor as the six year old could muster up. Hopefully his Aunt wouldn't be so upset that she would call Vernon up. He couldn't stand that monster. After what seemed like hours, the woman walked in and sneered at the little boy._

Now look who's here  
The little monsieur himself!  
Pretending once again he's been so awfully good,'  
Better not let me catch you slacking  
Better not catch my eye!  
Now take that pail  
My little Monsieur'  
And go and draw some water from the well!

_Harry clutched the pail that was pushed into him and slowly crept to the door, still clutching the robot with him. Petunia knew that the boy was frightened of the dark, and she took pleasure in it. But before he could say anything, she continued her abusive rant._

We should never have taken you in in the first place  
How stupid the things that we do!  
Like mother like son, the scum of the street.  
Dudley, come my dear, Dudley, let me see you  
You look very well in that new little blue hat  
There's some little boys who know how to behave  
And they know what to wear  
And I'm saying thank heaven for that.

_Dudley ran into the room, wearing a disgustingly big blue hat that made him look like a gondola rower. When he noticed Harry's giggling by the door. He pointed the shorter boy out to his mother._

Still there Harry?

Your tears will do you no good!

I told you fetch some water from the well in the wood!

_Harry whimpered slightly and pleaded with his heartless Aunt. Tears were streaking down his face once more, and he clutched the robot tighter to his chest, while looking nervously out the window. With big round eyes, he tried once more to get his aunt to let him out of this terrifying chore._

Please do not send me out alone  
Not in the darkness on my own!

_Dudley ran up to Harry, and grabbed his robot before running back to his mum and smiling brightly at her. She briefly pat his head, and looked back at the sniffling boy._

Enough of that, or I'll forget to be nice!  
You heard me ask for something,  
And I never ask twice!

_Harry ran out of the house, and past his fat uncle, who then started to mumble about insolent brats._

OoO

Draco looked up at Ron, with Harry's head in his lap, his hands running through Harry's black locks. "You think he's going to be OK?" Draco asked.

"'Course he will! It's Harry-Bloody-Potter, we're talking about, Draco. If there is one thing he will never get in life is an easy way out." Ron rubbed his temples. "Hopefully, the healing spells we performed healed enough. We can get some pain relieving potions in him as soon as he wakes up. Fuck, Draco! Who would do this?!"

"I wish I knew Ron." Draco sighed sadly, and they lapsed back into the tense silence that had filled them since Harry stumbled in twenty minutes ago. If it wasn't for Draco carding his fingers through Harry's hair, they would have missed the single tear that leaked from Harry's eye. "Don't worry, Love," Draco whispered, "We'll make it all better."

* * *

AN: Sweet Jesus!!! It's 4:43 AM and I just finished this chapter. 3,000 words! I promised it would be longer! Sorry if I didn't get the Slytherins in this chapter, but I figured I had to introduce Harry's problems first. Okay, guys. I hope you don't really hate me for the flashback, but I really realized it was sorta necessary for what I'm planning hopefully in the next chapter. But I have a quick question for you guys. Do you think Remus should be part of Harry's life? I want to put him in as Harry's new father-figure, but this is not my story as much as yours. I write for you guys, as well as myself, but you come first. So what do you think? Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday last week/this week, and have a spectacular New Years!! 

Eeep! I forgot this in the disclaimer: "Castle on a Cloud" is also not owned by me. It is from a spectacular musical, Les Misérables, that I saw (once again) in New York yesterday, that I can't get out of my head. If you haven't seen it yet, I receemend it! I got tickets for it for 21 dollars (standing room)! Sat in the fourth row, stage left for the second half of the musical.


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